I think it's safe to say that in the Tongan culture it is normal to be closer to your mothers side of the family. Just because of the bond that your mother has with her sisters, and also her parents. We grew up always being around my mothers side. From sleepovers, to family time. As much as I loved being with my mothers family, we always had problems with the fact that my sisters and I didn't hold the Lutui last name. We are all so closed aged in this family, so our bond was different from others, meaning that whenever we were told we weren't Lutui's it hit us harder than they thought. I hated hearing that from the group of girls that I claimed to be my sisters.
It wasn't until high school where I began to isolate myself from my family. I guess it was because I use to thinking that my friends accepted me more than my family did. I began to claim my friends more than I would claim my family. The feeling of acceptance was so over used while my cousins and I grew up. Probably because we were all trying to find ourselves, after all, we were all teenage girls, lol. So I figured it would be a normal stage to go through.
High school passed, and my life after high school was great. I was closer to my cousins, and did everything with them. I felt so complete. These girls are my blood, and it felt good finally being closer to my family. I don't know if I felt this way towards them because we were all still single, and out having a great time. All I know is that I never wanted this feeling of bond to ever leave.
Being married and all of us having kids, or doing our own thing, it started to once again feel, somewhat, sorta segregated. We were the sisters daughters, and in the tongan way, you are to respect the brothers kids. So, to us, that meant tolerating every single thing from them, good or bad. If they had something to say to us, we felt obligated to sit and let them be right. We would do anything to try and just be on good terms with our Lutui side. We learned to agree to disagree.
But the more I feel that I let my thoughts and opinions go left unsaid, the more I begin to feel like I am being walked all over on, mistreated, and letting them get the best of me everyday. I cannot tolerate this no more. I thought that if i keep letting the past go, my cousins would understand that we don't care about the past, we want to be accepted. To be accepted by the group of girls who we grew up with.That's all we've ever wanted to feel. I am done trying to please people who are blinded by their own selfishness. I am done with people who have disrespected my mothers, and expect my sisters and I to pay for it by having us sit in your shadows. I know the people who I need in my life, and I know who will be there, and accept me regardless of what last name I hold, or who my mother is.
It's sad to know that we let our own family members bite the hand that has fed them, and for them to allow it all because blood is thicker than water. Yet, have those who will always play the victim, while the rest of us keep our thoughts unsaid. If we have accepted you for who you are, and how you act, why is it so hard for you to hear what we have to say, or accept the way we are? They say you have one of those in every family, but I will not sit and watch my family mistreat my OWN family. Never made sense, and will never make sense.
I usually don't blog about things like this, but i felt like my voice has been held in too long. What I wonder is even if i did say my thoughts, would it matter? Or would it have made the situation worse? This has showed who my true sisters are, and who will have me through thick or thin.
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