Our bishop told us last week about temple classes starting this Sunday. We were beyond excited to hear the good news. Finally, we were able to make progress, and I think that's what we were more focused on. Just......progressing. But did we know what we were progressing to? I got home after church, and started thinking about what I was taught when I was young. The teachings of the blessings that are held inside the temple. Being sealed for all time and eternity, what did that mean? To me, it meant what I was taught it meant. Being able to see my family in the after life. The generations before me have all been sealed. i had the sense of security. I was raised knowing who i was sealed to. who i would see in the after life. it wasn't a big deal to me. To my husband- beyond different. You see, although my husband is a firm member, he has not had the chance to be sealed to anyone in the temple. So to him, it was more of the feeling of comfort. To know for sure that no matter what happens between our family, our love is everlasting. Eternal. I couldn't really understand how he felt until he made me look at it in the sense of our marriage as of now. We are just married lawfully. 'Til death do us part.' Who will our son see in the after life. We wouldn't be able to be the family that we are here on earth.
Finally coming to the understanding of why we want to progress, it hit me that although we were anxious, it seemed more like i was rushing the blessing to hurry and happen, forgetting the fact that the covenant we make with god is forever, not just something you do because you feel obligated to. Or because you have to. My heart ached. I can't believe how prideful I was. Was I doing it all for show? I'm not quite sure. All I know was, at the time, I had to because everyone else did. I just wanted to feel how everyone else felt, when in all reality, I should've changed my mindset to I'm doing it because I want to. Because I know it's best for me, my husband, and my son.
I have never prayed so much in my entire life. I lost sleep just thinking of ways to humble myself. It hit thanksgiving, and we were able to spend it with both of our families. As I sat and enjoyed the company of the ones we love most, I felt peace. My heart was filled with gratitude. For them being a big part of our lives, and the unconditional love and support. Being surrounded by them made it feel like heaven on earth. I wanted to feel that always, and I knew what I had to do to get there.
Temple class was great. To be in a class with people who are also striving to become Christ-like is such a humble experience. The fact we are all in there helping each other to progress in the teachings is the best part of it all. It was good to hear why a new convert wanted to be sealed. They were puzzled as to why people would come out of the temple so happy. Curious as to what goes on inside. They are determined to be just as happy.
I'm thankful my journey has started out the way it has. "Peace be the journey."
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