Count your Blessings.

Bed rest has been depressing, yet, full of relaxation. Depressing because I just realized I have ADHD, so when i'm asked to sit still, it's seriously like asking a little fat kid to just stare at the chocolate cake, and not eat it. IMPOSSIBLE! But yet, very relaxing because Travis now has be the wife/husband thru the rest of the pregnancy....But that's nothing new to him, seeing as he's always been doing everything since we have been married........weh! LOL. Aside from it all, it has been a huge roller coaster for the two of us.

It has hit me, and hit me hard that i'm not expecting my first pregnancy the way every women out there has. When it comes to having your baby natural, healthy, and all of that. I expected it just to be like that. But when the unexpected hits, especially when it comes to your unborn's life being on the line, everything you do must be with caution.

I wasn't always feeling so doubtful, but when you have two of your best friends also being pregnant, and being just as excited because they both know for sure that everything will be fine, and your the third person only hoping, only wishing and praying that God keeps you and your unborn in good hands so you can feel that same emotion is the hardest thing to look past. I'm beyond thankful that the lord has blessed my best friends with the chance of keeping themselves healthy and stable to be ready for there child, but when it came to thinking of myself, I felt hopeless.

I guess the feeling of hopelessness came from the fact that i was always looking forward to the worst, because the best wasn't happening. I tried to face reality that my unborn child has a big chance of not making it. Keeping me down and out, I slowly started being negative about my whole pregnancy. Negative to the point where all I expected was for the doctor to let me know that my unborn wouldn't make it.

Drenching myself in self pity, it didn't occur to me of how selfish I was until my husband lifted my shirt up while I was sleeping, and started talking to my stomach. He always does that, but this time is was different.  "Don't worry son, as soon as you come out, we're ditching your mom and going out for ice berg everyday." He always joked around, but I just sat in tears. He put so much faith in our child. Yet the one thing that I needed to do was just have faith, and I lacked it so much.

It's amazing how God simply teaches us, and reminds us the basic necessities we need to live Christ like, and yet it's the simplest teachings we forget. To just understand faith, knowing that although you can not see it, it's there means so much more than before. To know that regardless of all the trials, he's there, and he's doing what he needs to do to, I just need to do my part, and have faith.

I never wanted a reason to be angry with God, and I'm beyond thankful that I never had a reason to be. I know that Ill accept whatever comes my way because through the simple teachings I've been taught. Trials are temporary, and are meant to go through to better ones life.

As for the baby, he is 30 weeks, and is kicking. Good to know he's still active and alive. I can't wait for this C-section, and beyond ready for it :):)