not so awesome blog -__-

These past few weeks have been nothing but total confusion. Like those kind where you seriously just want to grab the shaver, and shave your head bald! One minute im feeling like every things coming together, and making sense....then the next minute, im hit with something else, and it just burns my tower of cards down. its times like these, when i just wanna put on my cowboy boots, walk into a bar, and have it dead silent, while everyone is watching me walk to the bartender, asking for a shot, then everyone says, "SHOT?" and starts firing there bullets, while im sitting there sipping my drink, bobbing my head to norah jones, and ray charles, thinking of all my flaws. That has nothing to do, but this music is really putting me in a soul good mood.

Anyway--

its hard when soo many people expect soo much from you. i know it's because they know my potential and all of that...but the fact that im being seen as that puts soo much on me, i feel like if i mess up, im going to lose the people i love most. I dont want that to happen, but who knows...

Im not feeling any kind of happy as of rigt now. I hate when im not. I know what i need to do, i just hope im strong enough to stick through it. I hate life right now! FML! hahaha.

Hope everyone has a happy Halloween! mwah!

What Really Matters.

Emotions gets the best of us. especially if your a girl, lady, women. At times, many of tend to forget whats really important because we let our emotions rule over our logic thinking. that's why men think we are soooo hard to deal with. I wouldn't diagree with that, but women are usually the one who can change a mans heart, mind, and thinking. I consider that a "Kafi" move that the lord blessed us women with. Hahahaha. Brought to earth to soften the mans heart, Because without us, men would be a bunch of a-holes roaming the earth thinking there always right. hahaha, but don't worry, we would be the same without men. Anyway- My whole point of this blog is a story of what i'm facing as of right now, and how god showed the greatest outcome of what will happen if i do whats right.

This is my brother, Elder Bloomfield who is currently serving in Boise, Idaho. Since i can remember, he was the shy, quiet, kept to himself type...not a people kinda person.. I dont blame him either, just like some of us, life wasnt always grand. Raised by a single mother, income and all wasn't everything he had. But i know we were taught the same things and teachings-we always knew what we needed to do. For him, graduate from high school,serve his mission, and married in the temple...of course everything that stops us, and holds off on our plans is Temptation. but dont get me wrong, we go through trials ony to make us stronger, and realize more what we D E S I R E. You know when your prepared, and fully ready to serve the lord, and nolo was. dropped him off to the MTC, knowing that he will be in good hands. three weeks past by, and on Tuesday we had to be ready to take him to idaho. It was weird. Me and my boyfriend decided to take a brake on sunday, because i felt like i was taking him away from what was more important, which was serving his mission. Sad, and lost as to why i said what i said, i called my sister liu on tuesday morning just to check and see what she was doing.. turns out she was getting ready to drop off nolo. I didnt want to go at first, but something inside was telling me, just go, it'll help get your mind off of alot of things, so i ended up going.

I'M TRULY thankful i went. As i got in the car, i got to see elder Bloomfield, and my gosh has he changed. So positive, so ready, so anxious to serve the lord, and to top all that off, he wouldn't stop talking. It was weird, like 3 weeks in the lords service, and your already MATURE. I sat in the back, shocked, and thrilled at what was happening right before my eyes. A boy who was once shy and quiet, is now a man with an amazing attitude, ready and fully prepared. I couldn't believe it, i seriously couldn't. All i could think of was comparing him before, to him now. Just goes to show that there really is a god, and if you give yourself to the lord, he will bless you in so many ways. I told elder Bloomfield about how it was weird how i came to drop him off. he told me that he was hopping i would come, and that it was the spirit.

We drew closer to Boise, and me thinking that elder bloomfield was gonna be 2ND guessing his mission...i was wrong, he was more excited then ever. I've never seen someone so ready and excited to serve the lord. " i gotta get me a Boise state sticker for our car," and "OH MY GOSH I NEED TO BE OBEDIENT SO I CAN GET A LOT OF BAPTISMS." was what he would say. We would laugh, but be filled with joy because never have i got to experience something like this on first hand.

We arrive to Boise, and it got quiet. Like i felt so calm, and at ease with everything. Got to the place, dropped him off. All i got from elder bloomfield this time was a big smile, and a simple hand shake, " Bye Line." and to his mom, a wave, "by mom. come pick me up in 2 years." That's when i knew for sure, he was  ready.

NOW...

This is my boyfriend, Travis Utai. Handsome, and very humble, quiet type of guy. We both grew up Mormon, and so going on a mission is not a surprise to us. I don't know about you guys, but i believe in love at first sight, and i believe that god doesn't give us amazing people for nothing, but to help us find each other. Gosh, if only you guys knew how much this fella helped me. I grew up good, had it all, but my teen years, just like hump-dee-dump-dee, i had a great fall. Which put me in a bad mood, and lifestyle. I don't know how god manage to put us together but he did, and here i am, deeply, but surely in Love with this guy. so whats the problem? Well, Travis desires to serve his mission, but because of my LOVE for him, i cant see him leaving me for two years. i just couldn't. I would think at times, why would god send him this way. Only to realize that i was being put to the test. God showed me that i can get a amazing, great, and humble man, now all i have to do is return he favor, by giving him to the lord for two years. Sounds better said then done. At first i was selfish, i wanted him here with me, there's always another way to find the lords happiness...which there is, but then i thought again, am i really gonna take what Travis desires for me to just be happy? Selfish as i was, going to Boise was the best thing ever. I realized that god will find a way for us to be together again, i just got to sacrifice now to revive the greater blessing. I know that it will be hard, but i know that if i just stay true to what i have always been taught ever since i was young, all of what i know i will need, will fall in to place. I know that encouraging him and being there for him to go on his mission is only gonna make it better for the both of us. I know god sent him my way to help me humble myself, so that hopefully in the future, ill be able to serve a mission also.

That my friends, is an amazing way that god works. I don't expect life to get easy from here, but i know that it will be worth it. Emotions will always get in the way, but if we stick to what is really true, and is right, will be able to live the life. The eternal life. The greatest blessing. I pray that regardless of all that I've been through in my past, i wont return to it. i know that i can achieve a greater blessing, and i know that with god, ALL IS POSSIBLE.